I have the suicide disease. The worse, TN2 version. That is not a sly term for mental illness, it’s a nerve disorder that has pain so great that people kill themselves rather than face yet another day of it. I am rarely below 3 on the 1-10 pain scale (at 4 right now) and I’ve reached 10 more times than I can count. This is with medication keeping it at the level where I can function.
I am such a bad judge of pain that the trauma from my not realizing for half a week that I had kidney stones and not taking any painkillers and then being stuck first in a clinic and then the ER for 14 hours writing in agony until they finally decided I did, in fact, have kidney stones and gave me some fentanyl, caused severe trauma and gave me an eating disorder called ARFID, unrelated to body image issues, and I have not eaten solid food in a year and a half.
Explains a lot, doesn’t it?
https://arizonapain.com/trigeminal-neuralgia-suicide-disease/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant/restrictive_food_intake_disorder
Hey, you asked.
P.S. If you try to give me medical advice over the internet, I may just block you. I am so fucking sick of that. And no, “I know you said you didn’t want medical advice, but…” does not count as a way around that. And I am fucking sick of having to say that and having people ignore it too.
I am impressed with you.
Thank you.
Damn. You know flying squid, I’ve always looked up to you around here. I see you in a lot of posts and comments around and didn’t realize you are in agony for most of the time.
Yeah, gotta love it.
I wondered how things were for you. I’m so sorry. I do know of a new treatment for trigeminal nerve stuff simply because I work in neuro I can tell you about if you want but I most certainly won’t give you advice. I just know someone who is using it and it’s new.
I appreciate it, but I have good people I am working with.
Ok all good. Hope you get some relief soon.
Thanks.
I know you said no advice, but have you tried jerking off a bunch?
Blocked so I can go look at porn uninterrupted.
Damn, so sorry you’re having to go through this. May the days be kind to you, friend.
Thank you.
Damn, that blows. Thanks for sharing, I didn’t know that was a thing.
I’m here to try something different… Instead of recommending a medical thing, how about you go on https://loops.video/ and share it with the rest of the world?
Shit, that’s some crazy symptoms! Fight on!
I actually did make a video about it once which has helped others, so I’m glad of that. But I don’t want to doxx myself and link to it.
Sorry to read that. But in some way I am almost relieved that you seem to finally know what caused your insanely severe case of ARFID. I remember when you were posting about your time at the Mayo clinic and the awful mismanagement there and was very sad and disappointed (not by you) that you were bombarded with enough armchair diagnostics to stop updating about your case.
When did you get diagnosed with TN2? And how long was the gap between the kidney stones and your last bite, if I may ask?
Thanks. I don’t really feel relieved by it, mainly because it’s kind of irrelevant to the future, but it is what makes the most sense and it’s better than having no idea.
When did you get diagnosed with TN2?
I think about 10 years ago. Maybe 11 now. It might be genetic because my dad had TN1. But he got it in his 70s. It usually manifests itself at that age. I was in my late 30s.
And how long was the gap between the kidney stones and your last bite, if I may ask?
That’s kind of complicated. A few weeks after it happened (January 2023) I started dry heaving every morning. That has been almost daily for me. Occasionally more than once. Then that March, I had this issue for about six weeks and then I was fine again until August. And other than at the Mayo Clinic when they totally numbed my mouth with a lidocaine-based compound, when I was able to manage a couple of bites of egg salad, that was the last time I had truly solid food. I’m also the smelling equivalent of a supertaster. I can smell cleaning fluid inside stores from when the custodians mopped the day before.
Working with a psychiatrist and doing RO DBT therapy, I am at a place where I can eat pretty much anything if I don’t have to chew or use any utensils and I have conditioned myself to just deal with the smells even if they are awful. I’m even able to cook for my kid now.
So I am in a much better place than I was even six months ago.
That’s a raw deal. I always thought a 1-10 pain scale was a dumb Idea. Pain is pretty subjective and someone who hasn’t experienced severe pain doesn’t really have a way to understand what constitutes a 10. (I would answer differently before and after my cycling accident for example) Personally I think that setting the scale as 1-10 where breaking a leg is a 6 (or something) would be more diagnostically relevant. I trust your judgement, although what you call a 4 would probably be most people’s 8.
That must be the toughest condition I read about in a long while. It’s amazing that you kept going. It’s also amazing that you decided to share this!
Thanks. I have definitely had my very, very low points, but you just try to keep going when you can until you have no reason to do it anymore…
My eye doctor murdered his boss’s wife and waited on the couch beside her corpse for him to get home. He got beaten the shit out of before he could kill his boss and the cops arrested him shortly after the beating.
My orthodontist had been high school band buddies with my parents, so when I needed braces 6 used him.
A few years later, his wife suspected him of cheating, so she hired a PI firm to follow him. They made the very stupid decision of telling her her was cheating on her in real time and where.
With her stepdaughter (his child) in the car, she drove to the hotel, confronted him, then ran over him 3 times. It was national news, and she got out of prison a few years ago.
Omigod. Is there a reason why?
I’ve had bosses. I’m not saying it’s OK, or anything, it’s not. Obviously double homicide is horrible. I’m just saying, I get where he’s coming from.
Welcome to the list…
If I’m not already on it, it’s a pretty useless list.
Didn’t see that coming
This whole thread could use a whole lot more of spoiler tags and Content Warning. And I shouldn’t have read all these stories. Luckily, I noticed my anxiety soon enough and just stopped.
This is probanly way too boring and mundane for this thread, but I can’t feel hunger or fullness. (Never had a doctor look at it because it doesn’t make my life worse)
My mom when I was a baby asked the doctor how much baby food I should be given after breastfeeding time was over. The doctor said “just give him enough, he will stop”. After many jars of food, my mom had to stop because I wouldn’t stop.
To this day I can feel my stomach expanding before I will stop. At my university all-you-can-eat cafeteria (back when I was super fit and tracked every calorie) I ate about 10kcal and didn’t feel full so I stopped. I also did a 21 day water (and salt+vitamins) fast without that much trouble (but my mouth would still water and I would still have taste cravings)
Fucks up my relationship with food though because I eat when I am bored, just eat whatever is in front of me without realizing it, or if I am busy I will just forget to eat.
As I said, probably not really unsettling or scary, but not a fun fact lol.
Neither can I anymore. No hunger, no thirst. I have an eating disorder that’s not related to body image called ARFID. Here’s my post about it in this thread: https://lemmy.world/comment/14558547
I think I have this to some degree. I never feel hungry/hangry if I haven’t eaten by specific times. I just eat because I’m bored and it kinda heats me up. I can go days without, I just don’t because of habit and because sugar and caffeine have effects that help me concentrate
I would think like Prader Willi syndrome but usually those children are intellectually delayed.
Just a few
- a childhood friend and neighbour got killed by his mother, his sister managed to flee the scene and call the cops
- my elementary school’s director got arrested for paedophilia, he killed himself in his cell before getting judged
- my sister in law died in her sleep less than a meter away from me (a wall was between us still) and my partner and I were the ones to find her, I’ve had to call and tell her parents
I knew someone whose death was ruled a suicide. I also know their roommate wasn’t where they said they were the night it allegedly happened.
And that’s all I know.
I beat somebody into a coma with their own gun.
I feel like you did he right thing.
When a friend of mine was a little kid, someone drove past, jumped out of their car, and ran over and grabbed him trying to kidnap him.
He was just confused about what the guy was even doing, but grabbed onto a chain-link fence and wouldn’t let go, so the guy was yanking him and yelling at him to let go, but he was able to hold on. Eventually the guy gave up and ran back and sped away. While he was being yanked on the fence, he was worried because the ball he’d been playing with was rolling down the hill, and he was worried it would go somewhere he wouldn’t be able to find it and he would lose his ball.
When the guy left, he went and retrieved his ball, psyched that he was able to get it back. He thought no more about it and kept playing, and then later that day told his mom about what happened.
She lost her mind. For some reason, he thought she had also been worried about the ball, and he kept telling her he’d been able to get it back after, so it was all good.
I can’t find the statistic any more, but it was something like 80% of people who are kidnapped and are taken in the kidnapper’s car are killed. Like this kid’s situation, fight, scream, do everything possible to not be taken.
This is what I do every time and it always works
Wait, what do you mean every time?
They’re so fun to try and kidnap, I’ve given it a burl a few times, they gotta fucking tight grip tho, never been able to get em loose.
You mean killing the person you’ve just snatched into your car right?
Works like a charm
Was his parents separated? Most likely it would be dad with a restraining order or some other family trying to “get him back”.
When I was a kid (like 14-15) I would go on gangstalking forums and try to convince schitzophrenic people I was following them.
That’s just based tbh.
I’ve been sick at home for a few days. I blew my nose into some toilet paper, checked, then tossed it in the toilet. Saw myself in the bathroom mirror and had snot all over my mustache.
Then it hit me. This isn’t the first time I’ve blown my nose with a mustache — it’s just the first time I’ve immediately looked in a mirror afterward.
Oh my god
out of all the disturbing facts in this thread this is the one I like the most
Yea it happens if you have facial hair unfortunately. Went for a meal with my family last night and drinks after. Got home and realised there was quite a bit of dried soup in my beard. I do normally check myself after eating in my phone camera but totally forgot. Made me glad I’ve already made an appointment with the barber to get it trimmed.
i notice that when im sick, it takes longer for me to get better if i have a mustache. Not that i walk around with snot hanging to it, i hope not. But i guess something sits there, and i breath it all day and stay sick.
When I was a kid I found a bunch of puppies that had been skinned alive, I think I scared off whoever was doing it, one was half skinned and still alive and there was another one that had not been gotten to yet
One day, I missed a train. The next one had to stop one short of my home station due to “personell damages” or something similar, which I didn’t really grasp, but I was annoyed that I had to take a detour to get home.
I later found out that a guy at my home station jumped in front of the train I was supposed to get.
When I was in the emergency services, I was first or among the first on scene to serious mass casualty events on multiple occasions. The most any of them got in the news was local papers and traffic disruption reports, because unless it’s terrorism the nationals aren’t interested. If any of us died in a car crash tomorrow, the world wouldn’t care.
I had half of my face ripped off by a dog when I was a kid. Skin and flesh was just hanging off of my face and I almost lost my right eye.
Doctors did a great job patching me up and you can’t even tell that anything happened unless you know where the super subtle scars are.
Oh wow. They did great work then. My niece has her face attacked by a pit bull, has had several surgeries and some laser work, and you can still tell unfortunately. She kind of developed some transient anorexia about it unfortunately, which my asshole MIL went out of her way to aggravate. Glad you did well though.
I’m so sorry your niece went through that. I hope that she can find some peace and heal someday.
I think she’s much better now, thanks. Not thanks to the malignant narcissism of my MIL though. Ugh family.
Family can be the best and worst
I (aurally) witnessed a kindergartener get run over by her school bus. I was on a different bus and our bus drivers were talking over the radio, then there was this ungodly wailing from the other bus. The other bus driver just kept screaming “I killed her, I killed her”.
Turns out the little girl barely missed the bus, ran alongside it to catch up, tripped, and fell under the wheels of the bus.
Once we got to high school, students on the killing bus were offered counseling. I, not being on the killing bus, didn’t talk to anyone about it until I went to therapy decades later.
Yellow school buses freak me out still, for that and abuse reasons.
Omigod that’s awful.
Yeah, there’s also the confusion of not having literally seen or felt the kid being crushed, so chastising myself that it shouldn’t have been that traumatic. It took me years to accept that just hearing something can also be witnessing it.
My bus hit some poor unhoused guy last year. That was a terrible thump. Thankfully all he got was a head laceration.
I’m sorry and I’m glad he wasn’t majorly injured.
